I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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