Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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