I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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