so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize