Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
