he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
