I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize