What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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