there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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