Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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