His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
