i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
