You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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