She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
