it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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