So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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