remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
