I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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