No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
