Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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