found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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