someone owes me an orgasm
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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