Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
