if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
