I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
