Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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