you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
