dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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