I wish I could teleport
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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