Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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