i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
