Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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