The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
