i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
