apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
