she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize