The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
