I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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