Im at strip club and am horny
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
