didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
