my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
