remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize