his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
