I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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