yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If its not for food we ain't going out.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
