i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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