im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We named our party play list daddy issues
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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