Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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