I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
