he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
