Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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