Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
