There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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