i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
