I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Randomize
