You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
