I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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