This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
