Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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