Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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