Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Two words: nipple clamps
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