i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
