Can Purell be used as lube?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I have aggressive nipples.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
