I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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