My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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