Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
