thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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