Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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