I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
